I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
