I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
