It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
