this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
In other news, I just burned my penis
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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