my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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