I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
