fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
