Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
