so that wasnt chicken after all
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
