There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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