The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
