hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
