But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
