I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
