Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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