omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
