John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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