So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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