Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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