True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
