and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Panties = found
Randomize
