forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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