yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
