Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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