why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
