You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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