I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So. Much. Porn.
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