We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
