whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
