Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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