So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
