apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
