Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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