you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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