Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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