Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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