I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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