there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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