I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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