Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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