I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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