is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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