haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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