I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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