I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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