hotel room ftw
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
