And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
