Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
