I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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