hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
