There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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