Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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