WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
