it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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