Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
