"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
