Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
