All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im about as happy as oj after his trial
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
