before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
