All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
