party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
