My cat gives me a boner
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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