Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
