i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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