I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
