You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
