You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
