So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
