I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.