You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi