she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
