The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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