I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
