Cold hands, warm shart.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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