I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
