Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
