I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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