he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
