I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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