I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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