I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
