I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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